An Open Letter to the 14 Year Old 'Trans Kid' I Used to Be

Here's what I wish my 14 year old self had known about the 'gender journey' she'd already spent two years embarked upon, from the perspective of a now 25 year old detransitioner.

If I could reach through this photograph of my 14 year old trans- identified self, I would tell her that she was born in the RIGHT BODY.

I would tell her that she will go through many bad hair days; four different styles of bowl cuts, & that she’ll make her own bow ties which she’ll wear crookedly to debate tournaments.

I would tell her that the trans influencers on the internet are LIARS and SCAMMERS. I would tell her that in 10 years time, at least half of the them will quietly detransition.

I would tell her that she will move to the Middle East & spend her young adult years living as a man. I would tell her that living as a man would rob her of the years of life lessons which women are supposed to learn in young adulthood.

I would tell her that none of this would teach her the value of “living authentically”. I would tell her that years of breast binding would only cause her harm, and wouldn’t teach her to make peace with herself.

I would tell her that the breast binding she takes such comfort in now will be her increasingly uncomfortable reality for the next ten years. I would tell her that what feels like a tight hug now, will proceed to suffocate her slowly without her even realizing it.

I would tell her that she will have emerged from transition, not with scars across her chest, but with disfigured breasts, a damaged rib cage and the inability to take deep breaths without pain.

I would tell her that her current beliefs about herself will change, but that her body and the damage she has done to it, will stay with her forever.

I would tell her that while living as a man would be one hell of an adventure, she will one day awaken in a war zone, to the sound of a siren and realize that her pursuit of becoming a man, was all just make-believe.

I would tell her that her young adulthood will become defined by the collision of her childish fantasies, with the reality of the cold, hard floor of a bomb shelter. I would tell her that in the wake of her transition, she will be left with only grab bag of disjointed jigsaw puzzle pieces representing genuine moments, scattered within a thousand-piece bag of lies masquerading as her ‘true, authentic self’.

I would tell her that it’s ok to be gay. I would tell her that she doesn’t need to ‘become a man’ in order to find a woman who will love her.

I would tell her that her parents don’t hate her- but that they’re just trying to protect her. I would tell her that she is so *sure* of her desire to live as a man, not because she is correct- but because she is YOUNG.

I would tell her that being an oddball kid is hard, but that being an oddball adult is incredible fun!

I would tell her that though today it seems impossible to be comfortable living as a woman, she will get there eventually. I would tell my 14 year old self that although she hates herself…

I love her.