Thank you Evelyn Ball, 𝓢𝓱𝓮/𝓗𝓮𝓻𝓮𝓽𝓲𝓬, Dionne leitschuh, and many others for tuning into my live video with Airiel D. Salvatore!
In this livestream, Airiel D. Salvatore and I set out to answer some of the questions you all asked us in previous comments.
The formal questions we ended up answering were the following:
From Holly M. :
What is your relationship like with your parents and family now?
What questions would you ask an 18 year old man who is taking cross sex hormones (for the purpose of listening to understand his world)?
From Dwight Panozzo, PhD, LCSW
What percentage of people who identify as trans or non-binary would NOT be likely to have an ASD diagnosis, in your opinion? In my clinical experience the vast majority do meet the criteria
Though we did try to answer more questions, Airiel and I have a tendency of egging each other on into tons of autistic rabbit holes.
We ended up covering almost every trans topic and subtopic under the sun including:
The impact of transition on family relationships
The role of autism in gender dysphoria for both males and females
Theories for why adolescent/young adult males develop gender dysphoria: is it autogynephilia (AGP), or is it ROGD? and the relationships between them.
Where present, does AGP drive the development of gender dysphoria in males, or is it a post-hoc cope?
The differences between parenting a young person through gender questioning in those under 18 vs. 18 +
How to have better conversations with your kids about their feelings, when recognizing their feelings is not their strong suit
The role of the internet in adolescent psychosocial development
The connection between online gaming, anime, hentai, autism and gender dysphoria in adolescent males
How both the trans activist and gender critical sides of the culture war frequently get things wrong in the gender debate
Much, much more.
Here are some timestamps which roughly cover the times throughout which we discuss these many subtopics. We hope these timestamps are accurate. Let me know if they are not.
00:00 — Going live + setup (intro, tech, cats invading the livestream)
03:05 — Q&A begins: family relationships now post-detransition
04:15— Ariel’s family background, estrangement, and where things stand now
08:00 — Why parent–child conflict usually isn’t “just about being trans”
09:30— The risks of “exceptionalizing” trans identity
10:30 — What should you ask an 18-year-old on cross-sex hormones?
12:30— Why advice has to match the specific family dynamic
16:30 — Understanding someone’s inner narrative + worldview
18:00— Rapport first: how to approach hard topics without triggering defensiveness
21:00— How to ask questions that open conversation (not shut it down)
25:30— Listening vs debating: why “counter-arguing” kills disclosure
26:30 — How trans identification often develops gradually (vs sudden “aha”)
30:00— The longer internal “appraisal” process before a kid even iterates “I’m trans”
33:30— Retconning: how both kids and parents rewrite the backstory
36:00 — Emotional language + self-understanding (esp. in neurodivergent kids)
38:30— Confusing emotions with “symptoms” and why that matters
42:00 — Mental models: how frameworks shape what you can even see
45:30— Poetry / perception / meaning-making as a “world-building” skill
47:00 — Imagination, boredom, and how childhood has changed
49:00— Gaming avatars and identity experimentation in boys
52:00— Attention span: deep focus → consumption
01:00:28 — Dwight Panozzo’s question (answer + discussion)
01:22:00 — Social contagion: dysphoria vs identity trends / non-dysphoric medicalization
01:42:23 — AGP (autogynephilia): self-aware AGP discourse + innate vs developed
01:44:31—AGP continued: paraphilia “treatment,” persistence, atrophy
02:09:03 — AGP, anime/hentai, porn, and Gen Z psycho-sexual development
02:11:30—AGP fantasies: escalation, autism, abstraction, identity formation
03:11:00 — Zooming out: gender issues in the broader human story
03:12:00— Closing + stream ends
Announcements + How to join me next time on Substack Live
Do you have a kid navigating gender confusion and trans identification?
If so, I offer parent coaching sessions to help you figure out how to best navigate your specific child’s situation, in a compassionate and practical way. If this is of interest, please DM me.
To participate in my next live:
Join me for my next live video in the app.
Due to the highly personal and sensitive nature of the topics we are discussing, this livestream will be accessible only to paid subscribers only.
We hope you enjoy our recording. As always, feel free to interact with our arguments and content via the comments.
