Maia, your ability to describe these experiences and these processes such that the reader can understand and empathize is remarkable. I grieve for the pain you've borne and marvel at your compassion, your insight, and your eloquence. You're talking about my son as if you know him personally--and about tens or hundreds of thousands of others. More importantly, you're talking about what could happen to myriad others, unless we make a change. Thank you for spreading the word.
Brilliant job explaining, with compassion and clarity.
I’m sending this to two physicians, who I hope will share with their colleagues. Health care providers need to understand the the pitfall of unrealistic expectations and the problems that can be *caused* by transition.
Yes: "It’s no surprise that people in pain will grasp any solution, especially when the solutions are framed as life-saving."
I could have grabbed many more quotes. Your writing brings so many issues to the table right now that I can only suggest others read your wise words for themselves.
Keep writing, and I will keep sharing. It would behoove others to learn from you. Not many are interested in my parent perspective because they tend to just label protective moms like me as bigots, but perhaps they will hear you.
Yes, we as moms /parents are quickly labeled as “hateful bigots” ( my own non trans son said this and cut contact out of the blue . I have one other ftm and mtf…)
And the illustrations are excellent. What you’re creating with these essays is a roadmap or textbook for deep, comprehensive understanding of this entire phenomenon from a psychological and social frame.
I expect you’ll put them all together for a book. I’d love to purchase it as soon as you have it completed. 📕
This is an incredible piece of work. It offers an in depth and compelling analysis of the complex internal, relational, social and developmental dynamics interconnected in the desire for transformation in young people today.
I found this section especially important:
“Transition is a coping mechanism—for all kinds of miscellaneous, amorphous distress.”
“Sometimes that distress is connected to the sexed body, but just as often it isn’t. It may come from a broader sense of social unease, trauma, disconnection, depression, anxiety, neurodivergence, or simply the experience of not fitting anywhere.”
“Transition, in this context, offers a compelling framework: This is why you’ve always felt off. This is how you fix it. And for a time, it can work. The symbolic power of changing names, pronouns, clothing—these acts offer control, clarity, direction.”
This section speaks to the (magical thinking) symbolic equivalence occurring during trans ideation, and the deep desire to transform to a life of ease, comfort, safety, and love-worthiness—an unattainable goal when sought without understanding the symbolic representation in one’s body distress.
This is so helpful to me as a parent of 2 kids now trans ( college ages , one ftm and one mtf). I feel I can understand them better as I worry about the long term. Thank you so very much for writing
I‘m so glad you enjoyed the essay. Did you have a favorite part, or are there any questions left unanswered you’d like me to potentially explore in future essays?
My kid who is trans has some autistic traits similar to yours that I am able to understand much better now. Already making a difference in our relationship.
Maia, this article gripped me. I saved the link in the hopes that someday there will be an opening for me to share with my daughter who is transitioning to ‘male.’
Incredibly proud of your journey, share, clarity and journalistic skills. I intend on sharing and caring. Much love and light to you on your journey of finding peace and purpose to serve.
I have been trying to digest as many of your essays as possible since I stumbled across your newsletter--I have a college friend with autism, ADHD, BPD, and a couple other things who has gone pretty far down the transition path. She knows I'm non-affirming, but since I've been there after many mutual college friends have apparently gone out of contact, she trusts me to talk through most things. Praying that she starts to recognize and sort out the new dysphorias since her medical transition.
I remember some years back, a friend posted about her top surgery. The doctor had not done a good job; the scars were jagged and a little gruesome. She mentioned that she initially hated the way it looked and that it had not been an easy recovery. But of course the post ended with “so grateful to have access to this kind of care!”
It's so heartbreaking, like watching a car speed toward a precipice with no intention of stopping. My son's life has fallen apart in the years since he started cross-sex hormones, but his only focus is laying the groundwork for surgery to "complete the transition." Which, by the way, means finding a psychiatrist who will tell him before my son even walks in the door that they're willing to write a letter supporting such surgery. Maia's essay hits the nail on the head.
The focus on transition at the expense of everything else is so frustrating. Like, no, gender is not the only thing that matters, why does everything else have to fall by the wayside?
Reading this gave me strong negative emotions. Especially the part that says, "Eventually, every transitioner must face the truth: they are still their biological sex." This seems like an extremely questionable statement. I mean, on a biological level, my impression is that a lot of the difference between people of male and female sex is due to differences in hormone levels. And these are modifiable with HRT. And perhaps the most obvious typical difference between the sexes is genitals, which, again, very much can be modified.
Now, admittedly, current transitioning methods can only go so far; it can't make, say, a transgirl have a body that's 100% the same as a cis girl's. But calling a transwoman who is on HRT, has gotten bottom surgery, and passes "biologically male" seems extremely questionable to me. Likewise for transmen.
"Transition is a coping mechanism—for all kinds of miscellaneous, amorphous distress. Sometimes that distress is connected to the sexed body, but just as often it isn’t. It may come from a broader sense of social unease, trauma, disconnection, depression, anxiety, neurodivergence, or simply the experience of not fitting anywhere."
I've extremely skeptical that it's as often as not not connected to a sexed body. If this were really the case, I would think that bottom surgery would have a far higher regret rate and that the detrans subreddit wouldn't be so much less popular than the main trans subreddits. You could argue this has something to do with sunk costs or lack of awareness or something. But given how much "you'll never be a real women/man" talk there is from others, I'm pretty doubtful of this.
I feel like perhaps you're typical-minds'ing. I get that transitioning wasn't the solution to your problems, and I get that there very much are others like you. But making this seem like something common or that happens in approximately the majority of cases seems exceedingly questionable to me.
And I really worry something could read this and then use it to deny someone HRT and help with transitioning who really could benefit from it.
For what it's worth, I feel much less dysphoria than I used to. I don't regret transitioning.
To whom you are attracted sexually is purely subjective and therefore cannot reasonably be contested by an outside observer.
Where you decide to live your life on a spectrum of superficial, stereotypical male to female attributes (and we all do) is also purely subjective and similarly cannot be questioned.
However, your biological sex reflects an objective reality which cannot be changed by your subjective personal view and futile attempts to do so can result in serious health impacts to you as well as harms to members of the sex you are impersonating (primarily women).
Others who are grounded in objective reality should never be forced to accept your subjective version of your actual biological sex.
Finally, it's past time for the LGB community to separate themselves from the trans activists who are trying to take away the rights of women to fairness in sports and to privacy and safety in their restrooms, locker rooms and prisons. They also advocate for the chemical and surgical mutilation of children many of whom would grow up gay.
Their actions are evil and the
understandable negative reaction to the harm they are causing is spilling over to innocent people who are just going about their business, marrying and leading their lives.
Maia, your ability to describe these experiences and these processes such that the reader can understand and empathize is remarkable. I grieve for the pain you've borne and marvel at your compassion, your insight, and your eloquence. You're talking about my son as if you know him personally--and about tens or hundreds of thousands of others. More importantly, you're talking about what could happen to myriad others, unless we make a change. Thank you for spreading the word.
I’ve been in trans communities for a very long time, so I’ve picked up a thing or two about the psychology of transition
Brilliant job explaining, with compassion and clarity.
I’m sending this to two physicians, who I hope will share with their colleagues. Health care providers need to understand the the pitfall of unrealistic expectations and the problems that can be *caused* by transition.
Bravo, Maia, and thank you.
Thank you! Let me know how they respond
I appreciate these thoughtful, well written articles. I'm happy you made it through and it's great you are helping others.
I’m glad you have found it helpful
Yes: "It’s no surprise that people in pain will grasp any solution, especially when the solutions are framed as life-saving."
I could have grabbed many more quotes. Your writing brings so many issues to the table right now that I can only suggest others read your wise words for themselves.
Keep writing, and I will keep sharing. It would behoove others to learn from you. Not many are interested in my parent perspective because they tend to just label protective moms like me as bigots, but perhaps they will hear you.
Yes, we as moms /parents are quickly labeled as “hateful bigots” ( my own non trans son said this and cut contact out of the blue . I have one other ftm and mtf…)
So sorry Florence.
I feel you. My so-called "cis" son is more estranged than his "trans" brother because of my protective concern (read: "bigotry").
Oh my goodness! Finally someone who understands and unfortunately is going through this too 😞
I am so sorry .
And the illustrations are excellent. What you’re creating with these essays is a roadmap or textbook for deep, comprehensive understanding of this entire phenomenon from a psychological and social frame.
I expect you’ll put them all together for a book. I’d love to purchase it as soon as you have it completed. 📕
Aww thank you! I guess I’ll have to do that at some point
Yes please!
Wonderful illustrations!
Thank you! It’s AI drawing. I give it a prompt and tinker with it until it looks half decent
This is an incredible piece of work. It offers an in depth and compelling analysis of the complex internal, relational, social and developmental dynamics interconnected in the desire for transformation in young people today.
I found this section especially important:
“Transition is a coping mechanism—for all kinds of miscellaneous, amorphous distress.”
“Sometimes that distress is connected to the sexed body, but just as often it isn’t. It may come from a broader sense of social unease, trauma, disconnection, depression, anxiety, neurodivergence, or simply the experience of not fitting anywhere.”
“Transition, in this context, offers a compelling framework: This is why you’ve always felt off. This is how you fix it. And for a time, it can work. The symbolic power of changing names, pronouns, clothing—these acts offer control, clarity, direction.”
This section speaks to the (magical thinking) symbolic equivalence occurring during trans ideation, and the deep desire to transform to a life of ease, comfort, safety, and love-worthiness—an unattainable goal when sought without understanding the symbolic representation in one’s body distress.
I’m so glad you like it
This is so helpful to me as a parent of 2 kids now trans ( college ages , one ftm and one mtf). I feel I can understand them better as I worry about the long term. Thank you so very much for writing
What a great essay, thank you!
I‘m so glad you enjoyed the essay. Did you have a favorite part, or are there any questions left unanswered you’d like me to potentially explore in future essays?
My kid who is trans has some autistic traits similar to yours that I am able to understand much better now. Already making a difference in our relationship.
That is incredible!!!!
Maia, this article gripped me. I saved the link in the hopes that someday there will be an opening for me to share with my daughter who is transitioning to ‘male.’
I’m glad you’ve found some hope in this article.
Absolutely brilliant! Hoping to show my daughter this in the near future! Your insights are invaluable!
I’d say it’s best not to show your daughter anything I write. But keep these insights in your back pocket
Thank you!
Incredibly proud of your journey, share, clarity and journalistic skills. I intend on sharing and caring. Much love and light to you on your journey of finding peace and purpose to serve.
Thank you!
I have been trying to digest as many of your essays as possible since I stumbled across your newsletter--I have a college friend with autism, ADHD, BPD, and a couple other things who has gone pretty far down the transition path. She knows I'm non-affirming, but since I've been there after many mutual college friends have apparently gone out of contact, she trusts me to talk through most things. Praying that she starts to recognize and sort out the new dysphorias since her medical transition.
I remember some years back, a friend posted about her top surgery. The doctor had not done a good job; the scars were jagged and a little gruesome. She mentioned that she initially hated the way it looked and that it had not been an easy recovery. But of course the post ended with “so grateful to have access to this kind of care!”
It's so heartbreaking, like watching a car speed toward a precipice with no intention of stopping. My son's life has fallen apart in the years since he started cross-sex hormones, but his only focus is laying the groundwork for surgery to "complete the transition." Which, by the way, means finding a psychiatrist who will tell him before my son even walks in the door that they're willing to write a letter supporting such surgery. Maia's essay hits the nail on the head.
I’m so sorry to hear about your son. Please feel free to DM me privately if you’d like to organize a chat
Thank you for your compassion.
The focus on transition at the expense of everything else is so frustrating. Like, no, gender is not the only thing that matters, why does everything else have to fall by the wayside?
Reading this gave me strong negative emotions. Especially the part that says, "Eventually, every transitioner must face the truth: they are still their biological sex." This seems like an extremely questionable statement. I mean, on a biological level, my impression is that a lot of the difference between people of male and female sex is due to differences in hormone levels. And these are modifiable with HRT. And perhaps the most obvious typical difference between the sexes is genitals, which, again, very much can be modified.
Now, admittedly, current transitioning methods can only go so far; it can't make, say, a transgirl have a body that's 100% the same as a cis girl's. But calling a transwoman who is on HRT, has gotten bottom surgery, and passes "biologically male" seems extremely questionable to me. Likewise for transmen.
"Transition is a coping mechanism—for all kinds of miscellaneous, amorphous distress. Sometimes that distress is connected to the sexed body, but just as often it isn’t. It may come from a broader sense of social unease, trauma, disconnection, depression, anxiety, neurodivergence, or simply the experience of not fitting anywhere."
I've extremely skeptical that it's as often as not not connected to a sexed body. If this were really the case, I would think that bottom surgery would have a far higher regret rate and that the detrans subreddit wouldn't be so much less popular than the main trans subreddits. You could argue this has something to do with sunk costs or lack of awareness or something. But given how much "you'll never be a real women/man" talk there is from others, I'm pretty doubtful of this.
I feel like perhaps you're typical-minds'ing. I get that transitioning wasn't the solution to your problems, and I get that there very much are others like you. But making this seem like something common or that happens in approximately the majority of cases seems exceedingly questionable to me.
And I really worry something could read this and then use it to deny someone HRT and help with transitioning who really could benefit from it.
For what it's worth, I feel much less dysphoria than I used to. I don't regret transitioning.
To whom you are attracted sexually is purely subjective and therefore cannot reasonably be contested by an outside observer.
Where you decide to live your life on a spectrum of superficial, stereotypical male to female attributes (and we all do) is also purely subjective and similarly cannot be questioned.
However, your biological sex reflects an objective reality which cannot be changed by your subjective personal view and futile attempts to do so can result in serious health impacts to you as well as harms to members of the sex you are impersonating (primarily women).
Others who are grounded in objective reality should never be forced to accept your subjective version of your actual biological sex.
Finally, it's past time for the LGB community to separate themselves from the trans activists who are trying to take away the rights of women to fairness in sports and to privacy and safety in their restrooms, locker rooms and prisons. They also advocate for the chemical and surgical mutilation of children many of whom would grow up gay.
Their actions are evil and the
understandable negative reaction to the harm they are causing is spilling over to innocent people who are just going about their business, marrying and leading their lives.