I think we overlook the role of motherhood during early childhood development and the impact it has on emotional processing. Let's be real, much of Gen X was emotionally neglected. My own parents are morally upright, contributing members of society, who never divorced and didn't even put me in daycare. Nevertheless, they are completely emotionally blind, and I was raised that way as well. Only after years of dealing with perpetual chronic pain, digestive problems, insomnia, etc etc, did I finally realize that it was not physical pain I was undergoing, it was utter fear and self-hatred.
Mothers have a huge role in responding to their children's feelings, helping them to name them and regulate them. When you have a mother whose parenting philosophy can be boiled down to, "Just don't feel anything and figure it out yourself," or maybe you had no time with your mother at all because you were raised by strangers in daycare, you may be compliant and rational, but any emotional turbulence becomes weakness and eventually self-hatred.
People complain about the boomers right now, but I think we'll begin seeing the real damage that their victims, Gen X, are unknowingly inflicting on Gen Z.
This is such an excellent read, I definitely saw myself (bubble parent). I hope you share this essay with PITT where so many terrified parents with gender questioning kids gather. Thank you for your thought, courage and candor, it is immensely helpful. Unfortunately it’s too late for us, my daughter hasn’t spoken to us in 6 years, fully estranged and medically transitioned. Our heartache is deep and abiding.
Wow. That was a lot of info packed in there. Thank you Maia, again, for opening your world up and letting us in. I tried to find where I best fit in, though I didn’t line up with the helicopter parenting styles precisely. I did coddle with my youngest - mostly due to the horrific experience of domestic courts and their overstepping, corruption, and doing the precise opposite of what is best for the children. This led to me, the one who was with my children every second of their lives until I suddenly wasn’t, becoming the dreaded non-custodial parent, the one that no longer has any say in anything, misses out on Moms and Muffins, Recitals, packing lunches, and everything in between because of a non-cooperative co-parent. I overcompensated with my youngest child by being there to kiss every boo boo…at age 12. When my youngest got upset, I was right there to “figure it all out.” I didn’t believe in participation trophies, but I offered far more positive reinforcement than critical parenting. I knew this and worked to be better. But, the “harshest” I get is asking tough questions and listening without interruption (mostly).
Our family faced a lot of trauma, one tragic event after another, and no one came out unscathed. After the height of the pandemic, which placed our kids on computers for the remainder of the school year, for whatever reason, my child heard the word “grooming.” This led to googling that word, and the colorful, welcoming world of…I still don’t know what to call it. How do I label the pernicious parts of it all lumped in with them against their wishes? It needs a word/phrase that makes clear that we are talking about inauthenticity, medical advice provided by those who don’t work in medicine, hysteria on social media, or the spread of inaccurate information. I digress.
Shortly after falling into a rabbit hole with the Google search, my 13-year-old child announced to me that she was non-binary and pansexual with the pronouns he/they. I was provided with a new name to replace the “dead” one I lovingly gave her. This later changed to the identity of ‘trans man’ (NOT boy) and a different name than the one originally chosen. This has been the same for about four years now. When I was first approached with the nonbinary announcement, I believe my reaction was due to a combination of hearing about transphobic or homophobic people, being caught off-guard, and not understanding what I was being told. I did not know what nonbinary meant, but at the time, I thought it related to pansexualism. I told her that I loved and supported her no matter what, and we hugged. I was so ignorant. I’m ashamed of this, but I bought three binders, flags, and various rainbow merch. Thankfully, she rejected the binders, and I originally posted them for sale. Someone bought them, but at this point I already knew what happens to women and youth who wear them, I canceled the sale, and have them in a box. I want to use them as an example one day when speaking on the harms of them.
About my youngest child: she loves Hello Kitty, she wears lacy undergarments, skirts, and dresses. She has all of the physiological traits one typically finds in a female. She looks several years younger than she is, and often acts as such. She will be 18 in November but gets excited over Animal Crossing, Roblox, and childish cartoons and movies. She’s definitely neurospicy, and has a handful of diagnoses, including HFA. She understands most of her schoolwork, but socially, she does not exhibit the characteristics of your average almost-adult. She HATES being babied at school, which was a problem for a long time. Once I found out how badly it affected her, I spoke with her teachers and that has been resolved. But, that is why she says “trans man” instead of “trans boy.”
She’s highly terrified of ingesting pills (she has ARFID, as do I. It sucks), as well as injections/vaccinations, and had a complete meltdown during an ng-tube exchange, which she no longer will use. Her meds have to be in liquid form. Suffice to say, she will never pursue puberty blockers, cross hormones or gender reassignment procedures.
Since that time, I became obsessed with learning everything I could about gender dysphoria, the transgender label, and every component from every angle possible. Needless to say, I do not get my information from mainstream media. I find them to be reprehensible, reckless, irresponsible and the direct cause of most of the chaos within our society.
Every single one of her many health care providers has affirmed her and used male pronouns, including each therapist. I don’t understand why neither they, nor her psychiatrist, will ask any questions about it or try to find a root cause for her self-identification. Her teachers refer to her as the male name and pronouns. I am absolutely stuck because I am trying to explain the aspects that need addressed. She was given the diagnosis of PTSD due to sexual abuse when she was five, which her doctors never talk about. There’s the obvious social contagion and influences on social media and news outlets. Then there is the reaction she had to being babied at school.
My older three escaped all this because they graduated before it became what it is now, and they don’t share the issues the youngest has had. I haven’t said her real name in four years and I’m tired of pretending due to fear that I’ll be some kind of “phobic” in her eyes. She’s been brainwashed at school and her doctors treat her like a prized toy, deliberately referring us to gender specialists that also happen to have some other speciality. They ask her pronouns, as if anyone in the real world does that. I hate all of this. But I appreciate you and everything you share.
You are probably right, although I will say the millennial I am thinking of is going through the most delayed adolescence of anyone I have ever met. Still, a different approach is probably better.
This is really good writing and work. I liked, "What looks to our parents as an incredibly insane and unsafe teenage coping mechanism for existential misery seems to us as being very safe– because a doctor who goes on talk shows and documentaries is attesting to these interventions being safe. More compellingly, we are told that these interventions will cure our teenage misery. And because we are kids, we believe them." I'm sorry that kids have poor role models in the gender medicine field.
Your entire conclusion deserves quoting, but I'll save space and just encourage your readership to read all the way to the end.
It seems the schools are presenting the trans option to kids non-stop. Kids have always had emotional turmoil in adolescence, but never before has transgender been normalized as an option to deal with it. As a Boomer and retired pediatrician, I’ve seen a lot of childhood trauma and bad parenting, it isn’t new to this generation. But this method of coping is new to Gen Y. It appears to be very top down and intentional. We recently learned from DOGE that billions supporting transgender curriculum was coming from USAID and the Dept of Education. For whatever reason, normalizing trans to kids has been a whole of government project. So sorry for what you experienced Maia, but you are definitely a valuable resource for families.
Alison, ohh I’m so, so sorry to hear of your family’s situation. I wish I could give you a hug. May God heal your family’s pain and that you will find peace and comfort 🙏🙏🙏 and that your daughter will find her way back to you and your loving family very soon.
Again, thanks Maia for your insights and for your great writings, shedding light on this minefield that us parents find ourselves stumbling over. I look forward to connecting with you Maia and hope that with your help - my beloved daughter will be able to get off the dreadful, evil trans train with no further damage to her health 🙏. (The testosterone has already taken away my daughter’s beautiful voice. As a musician at conservatoire, her 1st soprano voice in the chamber choir is now gone! 😪. My husband & I really miss her singing at the top of her voice when she was in the shower every day. Our house once filled with many sweet melodies from dawn to dusk is now very quiet…, often left only with the sound of her parents’ aching hearts murmuring… 😪).
Our daughter was a member of a children's chorus starting at an early age. She is studying music at college. Her voice from testosterone will never be the same. It's very sad, like sabotage almost.
Hi Maia, I can't tell if you're asking how my relationship is with our daughter or Anne's. I'll speak for me and my husband and her grandmother. We haven't had contact much at all for two years. My sister and mother went to see her in a musical but after hugging my Mom and sister, she refused to hug me. It was incredibly painful. She is now avoiding my mother who has only been accepting of her. After we questioned her impending mastectomy and removed her from our insurance she has never forgiven us. It was meant to slow her down. She had rejected any $ for college and lives in the summer on a county paid for stipend for youth rejected by their family. It's part of a foster program thing.
I’ll contact you soon, probably in early May. My daughter is now home for Easter holiday for 2 weeks. When she’s home she’s always sweet, polite, gentle, kind and loving.., the way she always has been. She’s our little angel. The whole family loves her, every fiber of her being is very much loved. I think she knows it. She has said so too.
She’s in contact with us often, we talk every week, about everything - all subjects, BUT.
As soon as I try to engage the ‘subject’, she goes into meltdown and cries.
We are now nearly three years in on the trans train journey. She has started taking T last year at college! 😭.
We pray that she’ll get off the train at the next station before it reaches Auswitchz(?)…🙏🙏🙏
Maia, what’s the best way to contact you? I don’t know how to DM. ( I’m not very good with new digital technology).
I’m sorry to hear that Theresa. 😪. Yes, it does feel like the kids are sabotaging their health and sometimes I have this weird feeling as if they have to give up something precious of themselves - almost like a sacrificial offering to a monstrous ‘deity’. I liken it to a part in the Little Mermaid story whereby she has to trade in her beautiful voice to the Sea Witch for a pair of human legs, do away with her mermaid tail in order to date her human prince…
My daughter also plays the oboe (she has already achieved a high diploma in this instrument before she started at conservatoire), but now she almost have to give it up because the breast binding has hurt her ribcage and reduced her lung capacity. She has said she finds it hard to breathe properly with the breast binding when playing the oboe but still so very stubbornly refuses to abandon the binding! 😭. It’s heartbreaking for us parents having to watch whilst not able to convince her not to do it.
Dear God, please guide these children, bring them back to the light and heal their pains. 🙏
Also, Theresa, have you wondered why it seems that this evil movement seems to be flourishing at the Arts & Music institutions? There appears to be a larger number of students in the ‘community’ than at other universities/colleges? (I’m not too sure as I don’t have actual accurate statistics on this, but it seems to me that this hideous movement is being celebrated and encouraged at these institutions. Am I wrong? Missing something?)
Thank you for your response. I do think it is more prevalent as it is prevalent in gifted individuals and kids on the spectrum. The Oboe us a very challenging instrument to learn and progress on. A high school music teacher I asked said a person who masters it is usually sought after because it can be hard to fill that spot in an orchestra. Our daughter plays trumpet and piano and not sure what else as we've been estranged for two years. Thank you for prayers. I will pray for your child as well.
Thank you Theresa. Let’s pray for each other and for our precious daughters. I pray that your daughter will soon find her way back to you and that she’ll get well again. Let’s pray for all the children and the families affected by this terrible tragedy, may we all be comforted and finding peace again soon. 🙏
An interesting read, Maia. Thinking about it, I recognize that my husband and I are a hybrid form of the Bubble and the Authoritarian ( no, not one of the one and one of the other. We are both a hybrid form) which must be very unsettling for our kids. Add to that a school-system which is all bubble wrap and cotton wool and no discipline or demands until the kids turn 12/13 when they are hit by a tsunami of academic standards which they have no hope of meeting. No wonder kids are anxious and struggling with issues.
That is right! Dad is a Dutch perfectionist and Mom is South African (of German parentage) It is difficult to explain just how this mix affects our individual parenting style but it is a constant internal struggle ( at least it is for me) Add to that that where I might be the Authoritarian , my husband might be all Bubble-wrap… and vice-versa.
That’s quite interesting. This is probably true for many mixed families. The cultural combinations of both parents influence one another’s parenting styles
Great writing. I agree on helicopter parenting being a factor in kids' latching onto transidentity. Guilty myself. I'd say it's a vicious circle. The more your kids struggles socially, mentally, academicaly, the more the parents feel the need to protect the kids, help them out and "fix" the problem. Unfortunately, it creates another problem of fragile and helpless kids who want to individuate in an unhealthy way. I must say that Gen Z kids are different in the US and in Europe (at least the countries I have lived in). Here where I live, nowadays teenagers start driniking alcohol earlier and on a larger scale than any generation before. Drugs and nicotine are more common than ever before. Kids move out from home at the age of 16 to go to high school in another city. It's acceptable to live with your boyfriend, not to mention sleepovers. 16 years old teens are expected and required to make independent decisions about their education, medical treatment or religion. Again, the well adjusted kids thrive and become independent early, the troubled ones get into bigger troubles.
Regarding Tiger parenting, what's being overlooked is that there should be a line between expecting better grades for a better future and outright abuse - a number of families in India, China etc. actually have narcissistic family models of abuse where one child is painted as defective and scapegoated. In such situations, they're not actually being loved but used as family punching bags.
There's also a difference between harsh overcriticism and control of a child, and positive encouragement to work harder (i.e. saying "you're not there yet but you will be", and recognising hard efforts even if the ideal result isn't fully achieved).
This is really good, Maia Poet! I feel a karma connection, some things are overlapping, others are too complex to be understood as either/or. I very much see the trans thing as something I would have been affected by, but it is my daughter’s turn. I could never affirm her. It’s out of the question for me, it is so far beyond my ability to accept gender identity as anything other than conceptual. But it is precisely this issue that “woke” me up to my true convictions and sense of self.
For us, it’s not just the parenting style, but rather the school and social milieu. The problem of boundaries and enmeshment makes sense for my family in that our nuclear family is too stressed. I think the school community replaced the familial culture, and many of us are actively, diligently work to change culture.
In my family, I am now third generation American. The immigrant experience is very much part of my family’s identity, but what does this even mean? Think how untethered we’ve been for generations, having broken ties, or stretched them, time and time again. My family is spread all over the continent.
…Young women today are so out of touch with consequences and nature. As you were trans for half your life, for me, I was on hormones for half my life. With PCOS and hypothyroidism, I went on birth control and synthroid from 15-30. In my twenties, after I got my degree, I enjoyed my freedom, adopted some healthier habits, and naturally healed through diet and lifestyle. I think unexamined emotional issues affect our bodies and systems.
In my teens, we all thought of AIDS as this huge threat for being sexual. The fear of STDs is completely suppressed, think how porn sterilizes everything while making it… let’s say childhood is completely perverted with the amount of exposure adults allow, maybe not individually, but certainly societally.
We all engage in media and tolerate it, but there is that inevitable factor of “you can’t unsee“ some of what’s out there.
I’m rambling, but I need to tell the story of my grandmother being disowned for a religious conversion. This “going no contact” is a thing that happened in reverse, like eighty years ago in my family. We’re still recovering from it, but we’re not going to let it happen again.
I can see this as the thing my kid is doing to stand apart from her older brother and half sister. I’m very angry about the role the schools have played. I think that some of my kid’s friends were armed to the teeth with the language and this became the social hierarchy. Kids whose parents are loving and accepting are sometimes empowered by social justice teachers to be the footsoldiers for the cultural revolution.
Society.
My daughter’s 13th birthday cake, she designed to feature blue icing, blue gummy sharks, and the word SOCIETY. Makes sense, doesn’t it?
To be fair, we millennials were adolescents on the heels of the aids epidemic so the fear of HIV and being safe sex mindful was real. But we partied like feral hyenas. Jfc Four Locos were literally outlawed, we lived on those things and jungle juice as cheap ways to get trashed as young adults during the Great Recession. I feel very sad for your generation that you were never given the chance at the wildness and messy autonomy as teens that adolescents and young adulthood is suppose to be. So now in your 20s you guys seem to fear it. It is sad bc those crazy stupid things are memories that you cherish and teach you how to handle situations. As a millennial I am equally saddened by gen z’s lack of life and social experiences and annoyed by their pretentiousness and constant demand for validation.
“a keg illegally purchased by an older brother’s even older friend.” the accuracy 😂😂🙏
I think we overlook the role of motherhood during early childhood development and the impact it has on emotional processing. Let's be real, much of Gen X was emotionally neglected. My own parents are morally upright, contributing members of society, who never divorced and didn't even put me in daycare. Nevertheless, they are completely emotionally blind, and I was raised that way as well. Only after years of dealing with perpetual chronic pain, digestive problems, insomnia, etc etc, did I finally realize that it was not physical pain I was undergoing, it was utter fear and self-hatred.
Mothers have a huge role in responding to their children's feelings, helping them to name them and regulate them. When you have a mother whose parenting philosophy can be boiled down to, "Just don't feel anything and figure it out yourself," or maybe you had no time with your mother at all because you were raised by strangers in daycare, you may be compliant and rational, but any emotional turbulence becomes weakness and eventually self-hatred.
People complain about the boomers right now, but I think we'll begin seeing the real damage that their victims, Gen X, are unknowingly inflicting on Gen Z.
This is such an excellent read, I definitely saw myself (bubble parent). I hope you share this essay with PITT where so many terrified parents with gender questioning kids gather. Thank you for your thought, courage and candor, it is immensely helpful. Unfortunately it’s too late for us, my daughter hasn’t spoken to us in 6 years, fully estranged and medically transitioned. Our heartache is deep and abiding.
My parents thought it was too late for me too, and yet here we are.
We live in hope 💔
Wow. That was a lot of info packed in there. Thank you Maia, again, for opening your world up and letting us in. I tried to find where I best fit in, though I didn’t line up with the helicopter parenting styles precisely. I did coddle with my youngest - mostly due to the horrific experience of domestic courts and their overstepping, corruption, and doing the precise opposite of what is best for the children. This led to me, the one who was with my children every second of their lives until I suddenly wasn’t, becoming the dreaded non-custodial parent, the one that no longer has any say in anything, misses out on Moms and Muffins, Recitals, packing lunches, and everything in between because of a non-cooperative co-parent. I overcompensated with my youngest child by being there to kiss every boo boo…at age 12. When my youngest got upset, I was right there to “figure it all out.” I didn’t believe in participation trophies, but I offered far more positive reinforcement than critical parenting. I knew this and worked to be better. But, the “harshest” I get is asking tough questions and listening without interruption (mostly).
Our family faced a lot of trauma, one tragic event after another, and no one came out unscathed. After the height of the pandemic, which placed our kids on computers for the remainder of the school year, for whatever reason, my child heard the word “grooming.” This led to googling that word, and the colorful, welcoming world of…I still don’t know what to call it. How do I label the pernicious parts of it all lumped in with them against their wishes? It needs a word/phrase that makes clear that we are talking about inauthenticity, medical advice provided by those who don’t work in medicine, hysteria on social media, or the spread of inaccurate information. I digress.
Shortly after falling into a rabbit hole with the Google search, my 13-year-old child announced to me that she was non-binary and pansexual with the pronouns he/they. I was provided with a new name to replace the “dead” one I lovingly gave her. This later changed to the identity of ‘trans man’ (NOT boy) and a different name than the one originally chosen. This has been the same for about four years now. When I was first approached with the nonbinary announcement, I believe my reaction was due to a combination of hearing about transphobic or homophobic people, being caught off-guard, and not understanding what I was being told. I did not know what nonbinary meant, but at the time, I thought it related to pansexualism. I told her that I loved and supported her no matter what, and we hugged. I was so ignorant. I’m ashamed of this, but I bought three binders, flags, and various rainbow merch. Thankfully, she rejected the binders, and I originally posted them for sale. Someone bought them, but at this point I already knew what happens to women and youth who wear them, I canceled the sale, and have them in a box. I want to use them as an example one day when speaking on the harms of them.
About my youngest child: she loves Hello Kitty, she wears lacy undergarments, skirts, and dresses. She has all of the physiological traits one typically finds in a female. She looks several years younger than she is, and often acts as such. She will be 18 in November but gets excited over Animal Crossing, Roblox, and childish cartoons and movies. She’s definitely neurospicy, and has a handful of diagnoses, including HFA. She understands most of her schoolwork, but socially, she does not exhibit the characteristics of your average almost-adult. She HATES being babied at school, which was a problem for a long time. Once I found out how badly it affected her, I spoke with her teachers and that has been resolved. But, that is why she says “trans man” instead of “trans boy.”
She’s highly terrified of ingesting pills (she has ARFID, as do I. It sucks), as well as injections/vaccinations, and had a complete meltdown during an ng-tube exchange, which she no longer will use. Her meds have to be in liquid form. Suffice to say, she will never pursue puberty blockers, cross hormones or gender reassignment procedures.
Since that time, I became obsessed with learning everything I could about gender dysphoria, the transgender label, and every component from every angle possible. Needless to say, I do not get my information from mainstream media. I find them to be reprehensible, reckless, irresponsible and the direct cause of most of the chaos within our society.
Every single one of her many health care providers has affirmed her and used male pronouns, including each therapist. I don’t understand why neither they, nor her psychiatrist, will ask any questions about it or try to find a root cause for her self-identification. Her teachers refer to her as the male name and pronouns. I am absolutely stuck because I am trying to explain the aspects that need addressed. She was given the diagnosis of PTSD due to sexual abuse when she was five, which her doctors never talk about. There’s the obvious social contagion and influences on social media and news outlets. Then there is the reaction she had to being babied at school.
My older three escaped all this because they graduated before it became what it is now, and they don’t share the issues the youngest has had. I haven’t said her real name in four years and I’m tired of pretending due to fear that I’ll be some kind of “phobic” in her eyes. She’s been brainwashed at school and her doctors treat her like a prized toy, deliberately referring us to gender specialists that also happen to have some other speciality. They ask her pronouns, as if anyone in the real world does that. I hate all of this. But I appreciate you and everything you share.
Very thorough, this article by itself might help a lot of parents handle these situations.
What about parents/family of trans-identified adults? Do you think a lot of the same concepts apply?
Young adults who are Gen Z are in a period of extended adolescence. Much of this would work.
A lot of Millennials, too, unfortunately.
The millennials are probably too old and too mature to be treated like teenagers.
You are probably right, although I will say the millennial I am thinking of is going through the most delayed adolescence of anyone I have ever met. Still, a different approach is probably better.
This is really good writing and work. I liked, "What looks to our parents as an incredibly insane and unsafe teenage coping mechanism for existential misery seems to us as being very safe– because a doctor who goes on talk shows and documentaries is attesting to these interventions being safe. More compellingly, we are told that these interventions will cure our teenage misery. And because we are kids, we believe them." I'm sorry that kids have poor role models in the gender medicine field.
Your entire conclusion deserves quoting, but I'll save space and just encourage your readership to read all the way to the end.
Thank you ❤️
This gen Xer votes to require it.
It seems the schools are presenting the trans option to kids non-stop. Kids have always had emotional turmoil in adolescence, but never before has transgender been normalized as an option to deal with it. As a Boomer and retired pediatrician, I’ve seen a lot of childhood trauma and bad parenting, it isn’t new to this generation. But this method of coping is new to Gen Y. It appears to be very top down and intentional. We recently learned from DOGE that billions supporting transgender curriculum was coming from USAID and the Dept of Education. For whatever reason, normalizing trans to kids has been a whole of government project. So sorry for what you experienced Maia, but you are definitely a valuable resource for families.
Alison, ohh I’m so, so sorry to hear of your family’s situation. I wish I could give you a hug. May God heal your family’s pain and that you will find peace and comfort 🙏🙏🙏 and that your daughter will find her way back to you and your loving family very soon.
Again, thanks Maia for your insights and for your great writings, shedding light on this minefield that us parents find ourselves stumbling over. I look forward to connecting with you Maia and hope that with your help - my beloved daughter will be able to get off the dreadful, evil trans train with no further damage to her health 🙏. (The testosterone has already taken away my daughter’s beautiful voice. As a musician at conservatoire, her 1st soprano voice in the chamber choir is now gone! 😪. My husband & I really miss her singing at the top of her voice when she was in the shower every day. Our house once filled with many sweet melodies from dawn to dusk is now very quiet…, often left only with the sound of her parents’ aching hearts murmuring… 😪).
Dear Lord, please have mercy on us all. 🙏
Our daughter was a member of a children's chorus starting at an early age. She is studying music at college. Her voice from testosterone will never be the same. It's very sad, like sabotage almost.
What’s your relationship with your child like now?
Hi Maia, I can't tell if you're asking how my relationship is with our daughter or Anne's. I'll speak for me and my husband and her grandmother. We haven't had contact much at all for two years. My sister and mother went to see her in a musical but after hugging my Mom and sister, she refused to hug me. It was incredibly painful. She is now avoiding my mother who has only been accepting of her. After we questioned her impending mastectomy and removed her from our insurance she has never forgiven us. It was meant to slow her down. She had rejected any $ for college and lives in the summer on a county paid for stipend for youth rejected by their family. It's part of a foster program thing.
Dear Maia,
I’ll contact you soon, probably in early May. My daughter is now home for Easter holiday for 2 weeks. When she’s home she’s always sweet, polite, gentle, kind and loving.., the way she always has been. She’s our little angel. The whole family loves her, every fiber of her being is very much loved. I think she knows it. She has said so too.
She’s in contact with us often, we talk every week, about everything - all subjects, BUT.
As soon as I try to engage the ‘subject’, she goes into meltdown and cries.
We are now nearly three years in on the trans train journey. She has started taking T last year at college! 😭.
We pray that she’ll get off the train at the next station before it reaches Auswitchz(?)…🙏🙏🙏
Maia, what’s the best way to contact you? I don’t know how to DM. ( I’m not very good with new digital technology).
I live in the UK.
I’m sorry to hear that Theresa. 😪. Yes, it does feel like the kids are sabotaging their health and sometimes I have this weird feeling as if they have to give up something precious of themselves - almost like a sacrificial offering to a monstrous ‘deity’. I liken it to a part in the Little Mermaid story whereby she has to trade in her beautiful voice to the Sea Witch for a pair of human legs, do away with her mermaid tail in order to date her human prince…
My daughter also plays the oboe (she has already achieved a high diploma in this instrument before she started at conservatoire), but now she almost have to give it up because the breast binding has hurt her ribcage and reduced her lung capacity. She has said she finds it hard to breathe properly with the breast binding when playing the oboe but still so very stubbornly refuses to abandon the binding! 😭. It’s heartbreaking for us parents having to watch whilst not able to convince her not to do it.
Dear God, please guide these children, bring them back to the light and heal their pains. 🙏
Also, Theresa, have you wondered why it seems that this evil movement seems to be flourishing at the Arts & Music institutions? There appears to be a larger number of students in the ‘community’ than at other universities/colleges? (I’m not too sure as I don’t have actual accurate statistics on this, but it seems to me that this hideous movement is being celebrated and encouraged at these institutions. Am I wrong? Missing something?)
Thank you for your response. I do think it is more prevalent as it is prevalent in gifted individuals and kids on the spectrum. The Oboe us a very challenging instrument to learn and progress on. A high school music teacher I asked said a person who masters it is usually sought after because it can be hard to fill that spot in an orchestra. Our daughter plays trumpet and piano and not sure what else as we've been estranged for two years. Thank you for prayers. I will pray for your child as well.
Thank you Theresa. Let’s pray for each other and for our precious daughters. I pray that your daughter will soon find her way back to you and that she’ll get well again. Let’s pray for all the children and the families affected by this terrible tragedy, may we all be comforted and finding peace again soon. 🙏
An interesting read, Maia. Thinking about it, I recognize that my husband and I are a hybrid form of the Bubble and the Authoritarian ( no, not one of the one and one of the other. We are both a hybrid form) which must be very unsettling for our kids. Add to that a school-system which is all bubble wrap and cotton wool and no discipline or demands until the kids turn 12/13 when they are hit by a tsunami of academic standards which they have no hope of meeting. No wonder kids are anxious and struggling with issues.
Oh wow that’s interesting- so each parent contains traits of both
That is right! Dad is a Dutch perfectionist and Mom is South African (of German parentage) It is difficult to explain just how this mix affects our individual parenting style but it is a constant internal struggle ( at least it is for me) Add to that that where I might be the Authoritarian , my husband might be all Bubble-wrap… and vice-versa.
That’s quite interesting. This is probably true for many mixed families. The cultural combinations of both parents influence one another’s parenting styles
You’ve got it!
Great writing. I agree on helicopter parenting being a factor in kids' latching onto transidentity. Guilty myself. I'd say it's a vicious circle. The more your kids struggles socially, mentally, academicaly, the more the parents feel the need to protect the kids, help them out and "fix" the problem. Unfortunately, it creates another problem of fragile and helpless kids who want to individuate in an unhealthy way. I must say that Gen Z kids are different in the US and in Europe (at least the countries I have lived in). Here where I live, nowadays teenagers start driniking alcohol earlier and on a larger scale than any generation before. Drugs and nicotine are more common than ever before. Kids move out from home at the age of 16 to go to high school in another city. It's acceptable to live with your boyfriend, not to mention sleepovers. 16 years old teens are expected and required to make independent decisions about their education, medical treatment or religion. Again, the well adjusted kids thrive and become independent early, the troubled ones get into bigger troubles.
Love your cartoons! Did you draw them, Maia?
Such an interesting read, and very reminiscent of Haidt and Shrier's work.
Regarding Tiger parenting, what's being overlooked is that there should be a line between expecting better grades for a better future and outright abuse - a number of families in India, China etc. actually have narcissistic family models of abuse where one child is painted as defective and scapegoated. In such situations, they're not actually being loved but used as family punching bags.
There's also a difference between harsh overcriticism and control of a child, and positive encouragement to work harder (i.e. saying "you're not there yet but you will be", and recognising hard efforts even if the ideal result isn't fully achieved).
This is really good, Maia Poet! I feel a karma connection, some things are overlapping, others are too complex to be understood as either/or. I very much see the trans thing as something I would have been affected by, but it is my daughter’s turn. I could never affirm her. It’s out of the question for me, it is so far beyond my ability to accept gender identity as anything other than conceptual. But it is precisely this issue that “woke” me up to my true convictions and sense of self.
For us, it’s not just the parenting style, but rather the school and social milieu. The problem of boundaries and enmeshment makes sense for my family in that our nuclear family is too stressed. I think the school community replaced the familial culture, and many of us are actively, diligently work to change culture.
In my family, I am now third generation American. The immigrant experience is very much part of my family’s identity, but what does this even mean? Think how untethered we’ve been for generations, having broken ties, or stretched them, time and time again. My family is spread all over the continent.
…Young women today are so out of touch with consequences and nature. As you were trans for half your life, for me, I was on hormones for half my life. With PCOS and hypothyroidism, I went on birth control and synthroid from 15-30. In my twenties, after I got my degree, I enjoyed my freedom, adopted some healthier habits, and naturally healed through diet and lifestyle. I think unexamined emotional issues affect our bodies and systems.
In my teens, we all thought of AIDS as this huge threat for being sexual. The fear of STDs is completely suppressed, think how porn sterilizes everything while making it… let’s say childhood is completely perverted with the amount of exposure adults allow, maybe not individually, but certainly societally.
We all engage in media and tolerate it, but there is that inevitable factor of “you can’t unsee“ some of what’s out there.
I’m rambling, but I need to tell the story of my grandmother being disowned for a religious conversion. This “going no contact” is a thing that happened in reverse, like eighty years ago in my family. We’re still recovering from it, but we’re not going to let it happen again.
I can see this as the thing my kid is doing to stand apart from her older brother and half sister. I’m very angry about the role the schools have played. I think that some of my kid’s friends were armed to the teeth with the language and this became the social hierarchy. Kids whose parents are loving and accepting are sometimes empowered by social justice teachers to be the footsoldiers for the cultural revolution.
Society.
My daughter’s 13th birthday cake, she designed to feature blue icing, blue gummy sharks, and the word SOCIETY. Makes sense, doesn’t it?
To be fair, we millennials were adolescents on the heels of the aids epidemic so the fear of HIV and being safe sex mindful was real. But we partied like feral hyenas. Jfc Four Locos were literally outlawed, we lived on those things and jungle juice as cheap ways to get trashed as young adults during the Great Recession. I feel very sad for your generation that you were never given the chance at the wildness and messy autonomy as teens that adolescents and young adulthood is suppose to be. So now in your 20s you guys seem to fear it. It is sad bc those crazy stupid things are memories that you cherish and teach you how to handle situations. As a millennial I am equally saddened by gen z’s lack of life and social experiences and annoyed by their pretentiousness and constant demand for validation.
“a keg illegally purchased by an older brother’s even older friend.” the accuracy 😂😂🙏
HEY! Don’t hate on the Jellies! I cherish those blisters with me my entire millennial life! Lmao
This is a fabulous description of the nature of Gen Z challenges. I love that you talk about helicoter parenting. Thanks a bunch.