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Holly's avatar

It just dawned on me after digesting your incredible essay that I allowed my daughter’s trans declaration to completely derail my parenting style. Her declaration sent me into panic of despair and grief. She was my little girl one day and a “boy” the next. The problem is I was a loving and authoritative parent for years who became impotent, angry and terrified overnight. I’ve been living in that state since just as she has been living with hers. Your essay has helped me remember the parent I would have been if she had presented with any other issue. I wouldn’t have cowered or become angry or panicked. I would have talked to her, held her and told her we’d figure it out. Instead, I googled what to do, and it told me to affirm and not question. It didn’t feel right, but all that I told her was that I loved her no matter what. My point is that I allowed an ideology to take over as her parent and mine, quite frankly. Thank you for helping me remember that and realize that I have given waaay too much power to this ideology. No, I’m not going to storm into her room with a hammer and destroy her computer and phone (although I’ve thought about it). I’m going to be me again or at least try to be step by step. Thank you!

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Scherer's avatar

I must admit that I am not dealing with a gander questioning kid - at this point. I have had to deal with other high risk issues, so your strategies make sense to me. Overwhelming young kids with a tsunami of information and data is pointless because they can't process it. Adolescents will simply shut down when confronted with a long data loaded lecture. My experience has taught me to keep calm, set firm boundaries and keep communication lines open when dealing with my kids. I can panic and rip my hair out later in private

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